Sleepless nights.

Tell me again how it makes sense that I slept all of four hours last night, worked exhaustedly all day today, yet it's 1:30 in the morning and I'm suddenly wide awake?

Oh yeah, it doesn't.

It's not easy getting back into the reality thing after a break. Especially after three weeks of vacation to France and Florida. My body wants food and oceans and museums, not filing papers and making labels.

C'est la vie.

All summer I've had an intense desire to create. I constantly want to draw, or paint, or bust out my Canon and capture the world.

Unfortunately, not much creating had been going down.

(Except a sketch I did in an airplane that ended up looking way more like Obama than planned)

I've been in a funk. A not fun funk.

For months now it seems. Things are changing quicker than I can keep up with, and I don't particularly dig it. I move out in a month (I dig this part), along with starting college for real, despite already having finished my freshman year in high school.

Friends are leaving, my brothers recently left, my interests are shifting. It's basically a whole new world in my perspective.

I'm not sure why my outlooks and mindset have changed so much. It could be the loss of trust, heartbreak, or my growing disgust at the ignorance and hatred surrounding me. Possibly a combination of the three.

At any cost, I've changed more in the past year than I did in the first 17 years of my life.

I don't consider it a bad thing, though. Change is good. Changing doesn't make me a bad person.

I still have no idea what I'm doing or what I believe in.

But I refuse hypocrisy.

This is becoming too rambly and I'm about to rip my retainers out of my head they hurt so badly.

Night.