Correction

In my last post I said that my changing doesn't make me a bad person.

But maybe it does.

Really, who am I to say?

Sleepless nights.

Tell me again how it makes sense that I slept all of four hours last night, worked exhaustedly all day today, yet it's 1:30 in the morning and I'm suddenly wide awake?

Oh yeah, it doesn't.

It's not easy getting back into the reality thing after a break. Especially after three weeks of vacation to France and Florida. My body wants food and oceans and museums, not filing papers and making labels.

C'est la vie.

All summer I've had an intense desire to create. I constantly want to draw, or paint, or bust out my Canon and capture the world.

Unfortunately, not much creating had been going down.

(Except a sketch I did in an airplane that ended up looking way more like Obama than planned)

I've been in a funk. A not fun funk.

For months now it seems. Things are changing quicker than I can keep up with, and I don't particularly dig it. I move out in a month (I dig this part), along with starting college for real, despite already having finished my freshman year in high school.

Friends are leaving, my brothers recently left, my interests are shifting. It's basically a whole new world in my perspective.

I'm not sure why my outlooks and mindset have changed so much. It could be the loss of trust, heartbreak, or my growing disgust at the ignorance and hatred surrounding me. Possibly a combination of the three.

At any cost, I've changed more in the past year than I did in the first 17 years of my life.

I don't consider it a bad thing, though. Change is good. Changing doesn't make me a bad person.

I still have no idea what I'm doing or what I believe in.

But I refuse hypocrisy.

This is becoming too rambly and I'm about to rip my retainers out of my head they hurt so badly.

Night.

Life and love and why.

After today's storms occurred two hours from home, I watched the destruction on the news.

More than 50 people lost their lives, while hundreds lost their homes and everything they own.

I started bawling watching the footage, I was so moved by the stories.

Not only is it heart breaking to see families lose children and their homes, but I was also moved by the reactions of others.

Hundreds of people flocked to the area to help clean up, provide shelter, food, and water.

These are the kind of people who prove that there is good in the world.

Today's event were just a huge reminder of how unpredictable and short life is.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, and this just reinforced it.

I've realized how ungrateful I can be, which really upsets me.

I have two loving parents, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and friends who care about me.

Which is so much more than I even deserve or could ask for, how could I possibly complain about any of this?

I definitely find ways, which is terrible.

I'm really challenging myself to find something good in everyday and focus on it, as well as tell people how I feel 100% of the time.

Too often I let my shyness or insecurities keep me from saying what I want, or I forget to be thankful for what I have.

But I'm really going to make an effort to tell my family and friends that I love them, appreciate my beautiful life, and use it to help and encourage others.

Life's too short to let it pass you by.

And it's too amazing to spend a second of it being anything but happy.

Gradugation

Um, I'm graduating high school tomorrow, what?

I swear I'm still twelve years old.

Honestly, high school has not been easy on me. 

Not that the school itself was terrible, but the circumstances I've been in over the past four years have definitely not all been great. 

Sophomore year was the roughest.

But I survived.

And I'm celebrating my last night of being a high school student by loading up on watermelon and Star Wars fruit snacks.

Who says I have to grow up now?

It's almost two a.m. because I don't know how to sleep apparently.

I think I used to.

I'm supposed to be up in five hours.

Yikes.

I managed to be valedictorian but also escape giving a speech, so a real win-win there.

This post is really rambly but I have middle of the night pre-graduation nerves and needed an outlet.

Okay.

I should sleep now.

Next time I write I'll done be gradjugated.

Thanks to everyone who helped me survive these past four years.

I'm kind of amazed and really happy I'm still here.

My dads a poet and this is all I have.

Thirteen years of time

Has gone by

But no amount of time

Could make me forget 

The way blue eyes gave away

Your every emotion

Or the way you could pick out any song

On your Martin

Thirteen years and still

The memory of the scent

On that faded tshirt hasn't strayed Far from the

Front of my mind

How you were two months older

And six inches taller

And you never let me forget

Thirteen years since you enlisted

And I cried and begged you not to

But you swore you'd write

And promised you'd fight

And return home when you could.

Thirteen years since the officer came

And stood on the porch

On a Saturday morning

The same day I thought my world fell apart

Thirteen years and I still have your picture

In the living room by the window

And I see those blue eyes every day

Pherterss

Since this was originally intended to be a sort of photography page, I guess it would be a good idea to post some photos on here.
So. Pictures! Yay!

Obviously, it snowed.
Obviously, I was pretty happy about it.
No 40 mph freezing cold snow will stop me.
Although maybe it should have.
That was a wicked cold the next week.
Uh, I guess these are copyrighted. Not that you want to steal them.

Where does the time go? No seriously. Not a rhetorical question.

Wow.
So, I guess this blog has existed for about a year.
And this is my first post.
Oops.
Anyways, I guess this is my introduction post.
I'm Emily. Aspiring artist/writer/Cupcake Wars champion.
Just a small-town girl, living in a lonely world..
Okay that's enough.
I'll be writing just about anything that comes to my head on here.
Basically just because I have a terrible memory and lose sticky notes too easily.
Feel free to not read anything.
I'm out.